Happy Birthday, Dad!

Excellent Packinghouse Lighting

I've always thought of September as a birthday month.  Mine and my grandfather's are at the beginning, my dad's is this weekend, and various friends are scattered throughout the whole rest of the month.  Ro was supposed to be born in October, but I was pretty happy when his birthday ended up being at the end of September instead.  

I usually don't even like to tell people when my birthday is or how old I am.  I finally gave up this year and started telling anyone I met that that day was a good day because it was my birthday, my deeply cut finger was healing nicely, and I was excited to have two cans of Full Circle Brewing's Pie of the Tiger waiting at home.  One of my awesome coworkers ho works really hard to keep up with team events such as birthdays bought a delicious oreo cake for after lunch.  Usually around this time of year, we are trapped working in a 40-degree cold storage room all day and have to borrow people from different divisions to help with these inspections.  The cake was excellent to use for my birthday and as a thank-you to the packinghouse staff and our extra help.  Awhile ago, another coworker tried to get out of celebrating his birthday with us.

Coworker:  I don't want a cake.

Us:  The cake is not about you.  It's about teambuilding.

Coworker:  Ok, fine.

Us:  What kind of cake do you want?
Coworker:  Whatever you guys want.

Us:  No, we're celebrating you.  So, what kind of cake do you want?
Coworker:  I thought this wasn't about me.

And on and on it went.  Finally, we went with an oreo ice cream pizza from Baskin Robbins that was sooooo sweet and delicious.  Another coworker on our team had to leave work for an emergency dental appointment to fix a crown she broke on the pizza.  We know what really happened:  she broke her sweet tooth on the pizza.  

My mom and stepdad surprised us by spending Wednesday through Friday night at our house.  My stepdad's birthday is the day after Ro's, and so they figured they would celebrate both Ro's and my birthdays together earlier in the month.  It worked out even though it also drove B up a wall because we had some time together hanging out at Starbucks without the rest of the family before my band practice, and we all had dinner together on Friday evening at the Mad Duck.  On Thursday, Mom bought a rotisserie chicken and a kale salad kit from Costco and we had a low key dinner at home.  I like the food and drinks at the Mad Duck, but I think the family dinner at home was my favorite part.  

B was kind of thrown and very happy when they left.  Admittedly, their stays have gotten a lot easier from how they were three years ago, but I think he's still not used to them.  I'm also not totally used to them because I didn't really grow up with my stepdad and my mom is a much different person from how she was when I was growing up.  My mom has calmed down a lot; she used to be a lot more angrier, anxious, and acted like she had all the right answers even though she didn't have the clout to back up her ideas.  Now, she is a lot calmer, goes with flow, and only snips at my flaws sometimes rather than all of the time when she's visiting or complaining to B as often behind my back.  I'm not sure if it has to do with being married to my stepdad, her oldest brother dying, or having no kids to care for.  

But B was more annoyed when I was trying to talk about alcohol with my stepdad.  To tell the truth, I definitely don't know much about alcohol other than the Fresno County grows much of the filler grapes for wines in the United States and that Full Circle Brewing beer is delicious.  I'm pretty sure my stepdad just drinks a lot of wine, but I don't know how much he really branches out.  So, B was a little upset watching the bs flow back and forth.  I told him that it seems to make my mom happy when we try to make an effort to talk to my stepdad, and B understood....but he was still much more comfortable when they left.

On the Saturday afterwards, I had arranged for a gettogether with a bunch of ladies from work at Riley's Brew Pub.  The rumor mills had been running wild lately since there was a dustup at work including supervisor interviews.  I knew a lot of the rumors were fueled by being spread so far throughout the County and not being able to talk to each other directly.  The food was delicious.  It was really funny realizing how many just and coherent arguments one of the ladies could make about pesticide use enforcement codes while being completely wasted.  I don't think many of us have opportunities to get together and talk about how work could be better and easier, how to talk to management, and what our goals are.  Towards the end of the meeting, someone had outed my birthday to the waiter and I got free ice cream to go with my bread pudding dessert.  Win!

I really missed how we all celebrated my birthday last year.  My dad and stepmom took B, Ro, me, B's grandpa, and B's aunt to dinner at Piazza del Pane.  We were able to talk and hang out.  And then I met up with my parents for Starbucks afterward to talk for a few more hours.  It was the last day of being 29 years old and a good sendoff to my twenties.  Is this what it's like from here on out?  Starting to pay attention to my life chapter passing by the decade?

We're now anticipating Ro's birthday party next weekend.  We're doing the same thing as we do every year, but with more kids than adults and no adults without kids.  I considered getting a Costco cake this year, but B had a good point about getting the cake from La Boulangerie.  I may also just not be fighting that hard against it either.  Our house is still overflowing with toys, and I'm hoping we don't get any more.  We're also starting to get a little nervous because we sent out the word and invitations, but haven't heard many responses.  "Maybe"s aren't very good responses.  

Other thoughts:

I've decided to stop buying and sending cards specifically celebrating birthdays and most holidays.  I won't stop sending out our New Year's card because it features pictures from throughout the year to relatives and friends who otherwise might not see the pictures.  I also will continue sending "just because" cards when I feel like it or I might do a blank card with something written in for a birthday.  I remember growing up and thinking how ridiculous it was that my aunts insisted on sending each my sister and I cards for each holiday (and sometimes yet a separate card to my Dad).  This would mean that at $3 (optimistically) per card, they were spending at least $18 per holiday and that did not even include the extra $5-20 traditionally obligated by the holiday.  My mom seemed to think that not giving my a gift or card this year would hurt me and seemed surprised that it didn't.

Mom:  I didn't bring you a present this year.

Me:  Sweet.  It's what I always wanted.

Mom:  Well, I also didn't get you a card.
Me:  Cool.  I don't have to feel bad about throwing it away next month.  

Mom:...(while my stepdad is laughing)….

Maybe it makes me a cold person.  Maybe I'm just another Millenial with an affinity for craft beer and avocado toast.  Maybe it's just that my love languages are touch and acts of service.  I will appreciate the giving of the card, but the card itself does mean much to me.  I would always rather to spend time with people and do stuff together.  I probably won't remember the card you sent (unless there is a long hearfelt message), but I'll remember that time we all met up at Johnny Garlic's and spent the rest of the afternoon walking around the Marketplace.  Why else would we spend so much time and money traveling to see family?